Missing Pieces

A handsome young sailor named Bates
Once did the fandango on skates
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
-
The wife of an athlete named Chuck
Has found herself shit-out-of-luck
Since he went to play Hockey
Without wearing his jockey
Now he's missing the tools for a fuck.
-
When a certain young lady named Sue
Lost her cherry she moaned "what shall I do?"
"Don't cry," said her mother
"We'll make you another
Of rubber and red ink and glue.

Bad Girls

There was a young lass from Madrid
A most reprehensible kid
Told her Tante Louise
That her cunt smelled like cheese
And the worst of it was that it did.
-
A lassie from Sioux Sault Marie
Alas, was as bored as could be
So she sat on the stairs
And counted cunt hairs
Five-thousand-six-hunxred-and-three!
-

Back To School Fun

A young man attending St. Johns
Decided to bugger the swans
Then up came a Porter
Who said "butter me daughter
Them swans is reserved for the Dons"
-

Medical Miracles

A nurse who was trained in Japan
Lifts men by their pricks to the can
It's a trick of jiu-jitsu
And either it shits you
Or makes you feel more like a man!
-

Olympic Gold

Since it's the Olympics how could I not write a limerick or two?
-
A gymnast who hails from Beijing
Has a twat that can whistle and sing
She caused quite a scene
In her "floor ex" routine
But it still was a "Gold Medal" thing.
-
I know a young fellow named Locke
Who did the pole vault with his cock
He got lots of lift
And a minimum drift
But gave all the judges a shock
-

Body Oddities

There was a young lady named Tweak
Who taught her vagina to speak
It was frequently liable
To quote from the Bible
But when fucking--not even a squeak!
-
A certain young man in Hong Kong
Is posessed of a trifcurcate dong
A short one for sucking
A big one for fucking
And a honey for beating a gong.
-
There was a young fellow named Kent
With a prick so long that it bent
So to save himself trouble
He bent the thing double
And instead of coming--he went.
-
A certain young lady named Heather
Has a twitcher that's made of of leather
So attracts all the boys
By making a noise
By rubbing her cunt-lips together.
-
There was a young man from Madras
Whose balls were constructed of brass
When they clanged together
They played Stormy Weather
And lighting shot out of his ass
-
There was a young lady named Dinah
With a really amazing vagina
She can twist it around
Like the cunts that are found
In Japan and Manchukou and China*
-
*it was a long-standing (if incorrect) belief that Asian women had horizontal vaginas--and men had corckscrew penises.

They Said It Couldn't Be Done...

It has been said there are only three words in English that have no rhymes: oddly enough, those three words are alll colors--orange, purple and silver. Still, I happened to discover that's not quite the case. One of those words rhymes--if you use a plummy British accent!
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A lusty young bride of West Orange
Once swung by her heels from a door hinge.
In a voice loud and clear
She said, "like this dear
I think you can cram in one more inch!"