2 Vacation Limericks

I just got back from vacation and in additon to a bunch of photographs I came back to with a pair of new limericks.  The first came to me when I was in Portland Oregon and our tour guide told us about a place called Voodoo Donuts.  (She's obsessed with them it seems.)  In addition to being able to buy doughnuts covered in Oreos, Cheerios and Fruit loops (not to mention bacon-topped Maple Bars) you can special order doughnuts in the shape of body parts.  This news inspired me to write the lines below.  (NOTE: our Guide's name is deliberately misspelled lest someone do an Internet Search: the limerick is a product of my own fevered imagination.)
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Our Tour Guide--dear Miss Megun Fryttz

Wanted Donuts in the shape of huge tits.

She bought some last fall

Twelve dozen in all

But the price nearly gave her the fits!

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The next one came to me while we were sitting in the San Francisco Airport waiting for a delayed flight.  A flight for Austin Texas was boarding while we were waiting and I came up with this little gem...

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A fellow who came in from Austin

Took a really small plane bound for Boston

It had room for his ass

And five gallons of gas

But his balls hung below and he lost 'em.

Classical Allusions

"For the fifth time, dear Daphnis," said Chloe.
"You've told me my bosom is snowy.
You've made much fine verse on
Each part of my person.
Now DO something!  There's a good boy,"

Veggie Tales

Just made this up today. Honestly I don't know why...
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There was a young lady named Barrett
Who lived in a tiny old garret
With no room for a beau
She was lonely and so
She pleasured herself with a carrot
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An Italian, one Marco Bellini
Once fucked himself with a zucchini
Then--just for spite--
At dinner that night
He cooked it and served it. The meanie!

Abuse Of The Clergy PART DEUX

Said the Priest to Miss Brigit McLennon
"Sure a kiss of your twat isn't sinnin'."
And he stuck to his story
Til he tasted the gory
And menstreuous state she was then in.
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There was a young lady of Devon
Who was raped in a garden by seven
High Anglican Priests--
the lascivious beasts--
Of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.
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There was a young prelate named Swope
Who wanted to bugger the Pope
To destroy the division
Between Lust and Religion
(And on the side get an Archbishop's Cope.)
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A fellow who studied at Trinity
Shattered his sister's virginity
Buggered his brother
Had twins with his Mother
And took honors at the School of Divinity.

Honest Injun

OK, I know it's hardly politically correct but how many words rhyme with Native American. In any case, here is a limerick tribute to the indigenous peoples of North America...
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Ethnologists up with the Sioux
Wired home for two punts, one canoe.
The answer next day
Said GIRLS ON THE WAY.
BUT WHAT IN THE HELL'S A PANOE?
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An indian squaw up in Wohunt
Had a famos collapseable cunt
It had varied used
Produced no papooses
But fitted both giant and runt.
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I wrote these next two with the help of my lady Robyn--mainly just to see if I could.
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An Indian maid, a Comanche
When she comes she screams just like a banshee
But during a boff
Her clitoris fell off
Now the question ain't will she but can she?
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A virginal brave of the Navajo
Decided at pussy to have a go
Then he said with a leer
"Well I guess I'm a queer
For the sight and the smell just disgust me so."

How RUDE!

There was a young fellow of Parma
Who was solemnly screwing his charmer.
Said his damsel demure
"You'll excuse me, I'm sure
But I must say you fuck like a farmer!"
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There was a young girl of Berlin
Who was fucked by an elderly Finn
Though he diddled his best
And fucked her with zest,
She kept saying, "hey Pop! Is it in?"
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There was a young lady of Dover
Who's passion was such that it drove her
To cry when you came
"Oh dear! What a shame"
"I suppose we shall have to start over!"
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Spent The Weekend With The In-Laws...

... and I got so bored I decided to compose limericks for the entire family. NOTE TO IN-LAWS" these limericks are based on your names only. It is in no way intended to be a negative comment on you or inidicate anything remotely truthful about your family. I just wanted to see if I could do it.
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Use the French pronounciation of the first name to make it work.
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A certain old man named Robert
Is covered in black curly hair
When I saw the man nude
I shot the poor dude
I mistook him, I fear, for a bear.
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An Arabic Princess named Wendy
Has a body that's curvy and bend-y
Sheiks and Fedayin
Think the girl's really keen.
Try her! You'll like her, effemdi.
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A proper young lady named Charolotte
Was seduced by some wicked old varlet
He gave her a quid
For the things that he did
Now everyone calls her a harlot.
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A sweet Sourthern peach called Miss Lauren
Decided one day to go whorin'
She said with a smile
"I did it a while"
"But quit it. It really was borin'."