Medical Miracles

A nurse who was trained in Japan
Lifts men by their pricks to the can
It's a trick of jiu-jitsu
And either it shits you
Or makes you feel more like a man!
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Olympic Gold

Since it's the Olympics how could I not write a limerick or two?
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A gymnast who hails from Beijing
Has a twat that can whistle and sing
She caused quite a scene
In her "floor ex" routine
But it still was a "Gold Medal" thing.
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I know a young fellow named Locke
Who did the pole vault with his cock
He got lots of lift
And a minimum drift
But gave all the judges a shock
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Body Oddities

There was a young lady named Tweak
Who taught her vagina to speak
It was frequently liable
To quote from the Bible
But when fucking--not even a squeak!
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A certain young man in Hong Kong
Is posessed of a trifcurcate dong
A short one for sucking
A big one for fucking
And a honey for beating a gong.
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There was a young fellow named Kent
With a prick so long that it bent
So to save himself trouble
He bent the thing double
And instead of coming--he went.
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A certain young lady named Heather
Has a twitcher that's made of of leather
So attracts all the boys
By making a noise
By rubbing her cunt-lips together.
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There was a young man from Madras
Whose balls were constructed of brass
When they clanged together
They played Stormy Weather
And lighting shot out of his ass
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There was a young lady named Dinah
With a really amazing vagina
She can twist it around
Like the cunts that are found
In Japan and Manchukou and China*
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*it was a long-standing (if incorrect) belief that Asian women had horizontal vaginas--and men had corckscrew penises.

They Said It Couldn't Be Done...

It has been said there are only three words in English that have no rhymes: oddly enough, those three words are alll colors--orange, purple and silver. Still, I happened to discover that's not quite the case. One of those words rhymes--if you use a plummy British accent!
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A lusty young bride of West Orange
Once swung by her heels from a door hinge.
In a voice loud and clear
She said, "like this dear
I think you can cram in one more inch!"

Abuses of (and by) the Clergy

I once had the wife of a Dean
Seven times while the Dean was out skiin'.
Said the wife with some gaiety,
"Not bad for the laiety
But the Bishop once managed thirteen!"
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Have you hard about Reverend Bing?
Who preached sermons and other fine things
But his secret desire
Was a boy in the choir
With a bottom like jelly on springs!
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I've heard of a young lady named Alice
Who once took a piss in a chalice
Said the Priest, "such a stunt!
To twiddle your cunt
Not through need but through Protestant malice!"
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A Sally-Anne"* lassie named Claire
Was having her first love affair.
As she slipped into bed
The dear virgin said
"I want to be opened with prayer!"
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* "Sally Anne" is aold British slang for a woman in the Salvation Army.
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I know of a certain young lass
Who lay with her beau in the grass,
She said, "how you fill me!
Oh darling you thrill me
Just like Father John's thumb after Mass!"
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A vice both obscure and unsavory
Keeps the Vicar of Salsbury in slavery
Amidst terrible howls
He deflowers young owls
In a crypt fitted out as an aviary.

Dangerous Toys

Nymphomaniacal Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her ass in a suburb of Dallas.
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There was a young lady named Crew-Pitt
Who recently did something stupid.
When her lover had spent
She douched with cement
And gave birth to a statue of Cupid.
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Love For Sale

There was an old harlot named Lou
Who filled up her twitcher with glue
Said the gal with a grin
"if they pay to get in
They'll pay to get out of it too!"
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I know a young fellow, a Banker,
Who got Bubos, Px, Syph and a Canker,
He got all the four
From a nasty old whore
So he wrote her a le4tter to thank her.
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There was a young lady in Reno
Who lost all her dough playing Keno
So she lay on her back
And opened her crack
And now the girl owns the Casino.
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There was an old trollop in Nome
Tired out from her toes to her dome
Seven miners came screwing
Sh said, "nothing doing!
One of you has to go home!"