For Young and Old Alike

A few random limericks involving the fairer sex...
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There was a young lady named Wylde
Who kept herself quite undefiled
By thinking of Jesus
Contageous diseases
And the bother of having a child.
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There was a young lady of Wheeling
Who claimed to lack sexual feeling
But a cynic named Boris
Simply touched her clitors
And she had to be scraped off the ceiling.
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There was a Bluestocking* of Florence
Who wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents
'Til a Spanish Grandee
Got her off with his knee
Ahd she burned all her works in abhorance.
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* For those of you not in the know (like I was when I first encountered this limerick) Bluestocking is a derogatory term (no longer in common usage) for an educated or intellectual woman. Whey they felt the need to create such a term I'll never know.
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There was an old lady named Brewster
Who dreamt that Brad Pitt had seduced her
She awoke late that night
With expectant delight
To find that her mattress had goosed her.
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There was an old woman of Tyre
Who shouted "my cunt is on fire."
A young fireman came close
And thrust in his hose
To extinguish her burning desire.